fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize