and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
