I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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