McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
