This is not my ceiling
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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