I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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