I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
