the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
