I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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