haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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