I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
