so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
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I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
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We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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