Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
