Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
