Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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