Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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