Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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