he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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