It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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