beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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