Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
