So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
