Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
