I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
