i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
