it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
