you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
