I just saw a hot homeless man
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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