the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
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He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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