I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
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i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
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Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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