I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
