They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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