I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
