I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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