Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
