You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
