hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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