don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
