He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
