nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
