How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
