dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
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