I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
