Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
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Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
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I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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