Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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