he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
