just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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