So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
