like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
