You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
