it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
