Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
