What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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