I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
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the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
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I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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