I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
If I had your ass I would rule the world
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
