I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
