If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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