3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
