I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
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I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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