this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
