did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
